So I'm moving to:
http://ipodarshawn.vox.com
Dramafeste finally came to an end after weeks of hardcore preparation. I must say, my heart sank quite a bit when they gave the best ensemble award to MT. Not that I was super confident about it, but like Amanda, I secretly hoped and thought we actually stood a chance of winning that award. After all, tonight was probably the best run the ensemble has put up. We got our cues, we projected loudly, and we made our actions large, everything was perfect.
I guess that's how life surprises me sometimes. Just when I hope and pray very hard for something to happen, it doesn't and works the exact opposite way. That's why I always tell myself not to set expectations because it only brings disappointment with it.
Nonetheless, I'm very proud of the Lifeboat production team. Tonight was probably the best runs we had in weeks. I could feel the emotions rushing through me in the last scene when everyone was just giving their all. Kudos to everyone there.
I've always been a big fan of Dramafeste and will continue to be. I hope HH will finally clinch their deserved title next year. Now, it's back to homework and more tests.
I need a lifeboat myself too.
- Listening to:Parachute - She Is Love
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my future. I think about whether I'll be able to get into my desired university, think about how my relationships will turn out and how my life will become. I usually start off optimistic, then swing to the other end of the spectrum and some way or another, I manage to convince myself to have a more sanguine outlook but every time I succeed in doing that, the cycle repeats. I always wonder if I'm doing enough, or doing too much in these soon-to-be 2 years. On many levels, I seem to be achieving something but equally, I know deep down, I'm screwing parts of my life up as well. And it's always like that isn't it, no matter how happy you are, one unhappy event is enough to turn your day upside down. That's probably the reason why I don't find most of my days ending on a happy note.
Sometimes I wonder my life would be if I had been an average, neighborhood school student. I don't know how they think. Maybe they're content with what they already have and aren't as ambitious as I am. Perhaps that's why they always seem happier than I am. They're always chuckling away, like as if they're free of troubles, when I walk past them in shopping malls.
Throwing these thoughts away, I had a nice little studying session with Zhixian, Titus, Edwin, Kangrui and Weixiang yesterday. We soaked in each other's company and despite having loads of work to do and stress to carry, we were happy. We were happy with the small meals at a coffeeshop, with Slumdog Millionaire.
I should be happy, right?
- Listening to:Coldplay - Lovers in Japan
There are some days, you just want to sit at the corner of your bed, stare into nothingness and cry. The past 2 weeks haven't been easy, at all.
- Listening to:Michelle Branch - Together
(09S05B)
Life's been very very busy. It's an endless flow of things to do.
But the small things and people around really do make the days more bearable and pleasant.
- Mood:
pleased
It's sad but that seems to be the only thing that is keeping my hopes going.
Life's really getting terrible these few weeks and with the next few going to be filled with many other academic and external activities, I wonder how I'll live through it. This is the part where I start craving for Starbucks coffee... Just kidding..........
Right now, I only wish for more understanding people around me. Less devilish screams and more angelic voices. AND definitely more money to survive February but I just can't bring myself to ask. I bet I'll get more than I ask for.
This is probably the #3567.........9th time I'm hoping I can go to sleep and never wake up. But I know I will have to because STATION GAMES IS WAITING FOR ME TOMORROW.
- Mood:
stressed
2 years back, when my grandma was still alive, my family would join the rest of my aunt and uncles at her house to have the dinner but everything's changed ever since she passed away. It feels so much less homely now. And, when I was little, the homework load and stress was still unexistent at this time of the year. I could enjoy the eve happily, so much such that I'd sit infront of the tv to watch all the cliche countdown programs aired by Channel 8 and after that, stayed up as long as I could to 守岁, to "extend the lives of my parents". Now, my mind's nothing but homework and commitments.
New years aren't the way they used to be anymore, except for the fact that I'll be sitting at a corner at my grandpa's house, doing nothing but sms-ing, watching tv and smiling. I guess that's one thing that will not change.
But, new clothes are always something to be happy about.
Happy Niu Year and may you strike some fortune
- Listening to:Lady Gaga - Just Dance
I tried doing math a while ago but just couldn't get my mind to think.
Let's try again tomorrow, tonight's not the night.
- Listening to:Faber Drive - It Ends
I remember civics yesterday and we were given this sheet of paper to write down our err.. goals? Ok it's just this page with alot of boxes, representing days, and you're supposed to write down all your important events of the year on it, like VOLLEYBALL SEASON, CTs 1 AND 2, and PRELIMS and ALEVELS. Then on the other page, we had to write down our target grades for the various subjects and things we had done/should have done/are going to do this/last year.
Looking at the targets I set, or rather, pray-damn-hard-i-can-achieve, I wonder if I'll ever reach it. They all look pretty unattainable. Every now and then, my mind runs to this part of my life I don't want to think about and it just brings the entire mood down. Worst of all, it's difficult to get it out of your head. So you get stuck with it for the entire day, all the way till you're asleep. I can "proudly" and sadly say that J2 isn't what I expected it to be.
These past 3 days have been tiring mainly because of long training hours after long academic hours. I'm really being pushed to the limit. I feel so tired every single night and I can barely bring myself to complete tutorials. It wasn't like this last year. I can already foresee how the months ahead will be - full of stress (as if there isn't enough now), and frustration.
Right now, I'm looking forward to CNY. I need to immerse myself in some festive season and soak myself in happiness. Hopefully with the 5-day break (and a boost in my financial abilities), I can regain my energy to handle all that shit's that I'm heading towards.
- Listening to:The Script - Breakeven
Anyway, recent events include Open house, Orientation dry run 2 and Class chalet, all I should have updated on, but couldn't and still can't find the time and energy and necessary photos to put up. Now what's left ahead is Orientation and I really can't wait for it to be over (though I'll miss Staytion Gaymes comm). Today, I realised we have already sent in our games proposal 9 times and the next one we're sending in will be the 10th. I'm surprised so much work had been done over a mere 2-3 months.
Another internal dry run awaits us this saturday so it's another day gone.
I better continue reading my electric fields and make good use of the night.
- Mood:
lethargic - Listening to:Nickelback - If today was your last day
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